A Night Out In San Francisco || Dita Von Teese

Here are some quick facts about Dita Von Teese:

*Real name is Heather
*She is 46 years old
*Born in Michigan, moved to California as a teen
*She does her own hair and makeup (I just always admire people that do this stuff because I'm so bad at it)

My clothing choices have had a bit of a retro feel ever since I started working retail, though lately, I've been trying to amp it up a little bit more. My interest is to mix it in a way that looks still current, not costumey, and a bit ambiguous to what decade. Mainly because I love things ranging from the 1920's to now, I could never commit to one style! I know that hair and makeup would help tremendously with my look, but I suck so terribly at that. Right now I'm focusing on the wardrobe bit first then maybe I'll manage the rest. It's a work in progress. Anyways, along with my retro clothing interest, I've also developed an interest in other retro-y things like cocktails and burlesque.

Katrina, a long time friend of mine from my retail days, asked me if I would go see Dita Von Teese with her in San Francisco for the Copper Coupe Tour even though it was on a Wednesday night. So many reasons to say yes:

*I haven't seen Katrina in 2.5 years
*I've never seen a Dita Von Teese show
*A night out with a best friend is always a good time
*BURLESQUE

To be honest, I only knew about Dita Von Teese in a vague way. I knew of her, I knew what she looked like, I knew she was in the club kid scene and married Marilyn Manson back in the day. But after seeing her show, I have a very new interest in getting to know her better! The show was ah-maz-ing. And not just because I got unexpectedly drunk. Because we all knew, except past heather, that that was going to happen, right?

I wish I was brave enough in the beginning to take photos of the guests attending because their outfits were ON POINT. Lots of fantastic dresses, fierce heels, jewelry, makeup, hair, handbags... this was a seriously stylish crowd. Even some guys were there with hats and three-piece suits. It was a retro dream. My friend and I wore our bay area finest: jeans, sneakers, and tees. Hello, we were traveling by train and walking around San Francisco, not a time for heels. OR WAS IT. (No it was not, drunk Heather would have been terrible in heels)

We didn't actually plan on HOW we were going to get to San Francisco from San Jose until the night before. Which I was purposely cagey about with Neil until the day before because he is a mega-planner, and my "half-baked plans" (his words) give him EXTREME ANXIETY. Especially since my plan was to be in San Francisco which is kinda far if I need rescuing. SPOILER: I DID NOT.

So originally the only thing I told him was that I was going to hang out with Katrina on Wednesday. Which I admit, gave the feel that it was going to be an after-work thing in San Jose. He was like, ok that's cool. Then on Tuesday I kinda let him know that:

*I was going to San Francisco
*To see Dita Von Teese
*And I was taking the day off
*And I don't know how I'm getting there yet

Yeah, I know, kind of a lot to dump on him at once. But I did it this way because I knew if I had told him this in advance, he would have hounded me every day to get my plan in order and figure out what Katrina was going to do so our plans would match. He is also not a procrastinator. But I knew that Katrina was busy planning her weekend trip with her daughter so I wouldn't be able to get these answers until Tuesday. So that would have been a lot of terrible, stressful conversations with my husband on a lot of days. No thanks. Sorry, Neil! So I only had one day of awkwardness. Win?

So with Neil's help (Thanks Neil!), Katrina and I figured out that we could just take the train into San Francisco instead of BART then Uber/Lyft to our destination. Totally perfect because the last stop on the train was San Francisco! But also: the last train out of the city back to San Jose was at 12:05am, so we had to make sure that we didn't lollygag and miss it. I told him NO PROBLEM, the show starts at 7pm and Katrina says its only like 2 hours, we got this. 

We were able to take the "baby bullet" which is a commuter train, into the city, which doesn't stop at all the stops so we were able to get there quicker. The 12:05am train back was not a bullet, so was going to take a bit of time getting back to San Jose, so hopefully, we would not be taking that one because then that would mean I wouldn't be home until 2pm. (I don't care what maps of the Bay Area looks like, San Francisco is not easy to get to or very close. Or maybe that's just me since I am terrible with maps. But just FYI if you ever plan a trip out here, counter in a LOT OF TRAVEL TIME.)

I don't know why I kept thinking 7pm, the tickets said 7:30pm, still not a big deal, but then when we finally get to the Palace of Fine Arts (GODDAMN THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL), and there is a huge crowd waiting outside in the biting wind, with a sign on the door that says "doors open one hour before the show" and the time is almost 7, and we are like what the hell, then an employee pops her head out and goes, "hey, we just figured out that your tickets say that the show starts at 7:30 but that is when the doors open, the show starts at 8:30." Uh. Hmm. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO MY PLANS AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. But you know what, even with the "late" start, intermission and getting the Lyft and everything, we still got to the train station at a little bit before midnight. With me very drunk, ha. Let's get to that.

Timeline

12:00pm: I knew I should eat lunch because I was thinking Katrina and I would probably eat a late lunch/dinner before the show. I ate chips and guac. Thought about putting a granola bar and scarf in my handbag and never did.
1:49pm: Katrina texts me that she is running late and won't be in San Jose until almost 4:00pm. No worries, nap time! Again, I should have thought to put that granola bar in my purse since now I know we won't have time to eat. Nope, sleep instead.
4:25pm: At the station
4:55pm: We are on the train, bitches! Honestly, I love the train. I need to figure out more trips that involve train travel.
6:07pm: On Lyft on the way to the show
6:41pm: At the Palace of Fine Arts. We walked around to take photos because OH MY GOD THIS PLACE IS JUST STUNNING. I have never been here before and I need to go again!!!
7:34pm: Inside the building! We meander to the merchandise table where I buy a t-shirt and Katrina begins her quest to figure out exactly what she was going to buy. We then go to the bathroom, which now has a line. The hall is filling up FAST. 

We get out of the bathroom and go back to the merchandise line. We bump into some girls that seem like a hot mess, one of which is holding two drinks. After talking with them a bit, I told Katrina that I needed these girls more in my life tonight because god damn were they funny.

I honestly can't remember how many times we went in the merchandise line then out again, then back, Katrina was having a hard time making up her mind! Finally, I was like, hey I need a drink and that line for the bar looks crazy long so I head out on my own. There is a couple in front of me that I ask if this is the bar line and they say, god we hope so! At least it's a line for something? Eventually, someone passes by us and tells us there is a shorter line up closer, so I follow this couple, plus a girl is now following me, to the front. We all look around cautiously hoping we aren't cutting or pissing anyone off. Nope! I look at the menu and decide to get the martini because:

*It comes it a cute plastic coupe
*I want to get a buzz going
*AND HELLA BONUS IT CAME WITH A FREE PIN OH MY GOD I HAD NO IDEA.

As I'm waiting for my drink, here comes Katrina and the Hot Mess Girls. Those girls are back in line for more drinks. I see the one slightly more drunk girl buy FOUR PROSECCOS. This is over forty dollars with of drinks, y'all. I joke that she is here to buy the whole bar, then ask where the rest of her group was for the drinks. She was like oh no, these are for me. It's actually two for her, two for her slightly less drunk friend which was a bit of a relief cause girl did not need four drinks. 

It turns into a struggle for these two girls to manage these four new drinks, the glasses of their current drinks, handbags and the slightly less drunk girl's merchandise bag tore and she was trying to finagle that and manage all this other stuff. We finally convince her we will watch her drinks so she can get a new bag. 

She comes with her new bag, all is well (we think) they decide to head to the bathrooms, so we start drinking our martinis (Katrina got one too, once she found out it came with a free pin!!!!) and headed for our seats. I was hoping to sip this throughout THE WHOLE SHOW but then I see a note on the doors that say no drinks allowed inside. Well, shit. 

I did my best to finish the drink in one go, but hello, it's straight vodka in a glass, and I could feel my stomach going oh hell no girl, you are drinking this on a damn near empty stomach. So Katrina being the best ever, finished the last of my drink before we head in. I did get my wish though, I was straight buzzing. We were on the wrong side so we walk over to the other entrance and hello again Hot Mess Girls. Wish number two granted. What is going on with my night???

Hot Mess Girls were having a crisis. They have lost their merchandise bag!  We decide to help them, even though they told us not to, this wasn't our drama. But I felt like we met them for a reason so... Guess what? We decided to help look. While I and the Hot Mess Girls are talking to the security guard, Katrina leaves and comes back quick. Katrina found their bag! Like she knew EXACTLY where they left it, it was the corner we left them at the bar, ha. The slightly less drunk girl was so ecstatic she wanted to buy us something from the merchandise table, anything we wanted. I asked for a selfie instead:

Katrina said that past Katrina would have straight ganked the bag, but I'm glad current Katrina was being good :) :) We go to our seats, and lo and behold, THEY HAD SEATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. A show within a show! Because these girls were fucking wrecked already. The girl sitting next to them was NOT amused.

There were no photos or video allowed during the show, which was fine by me because I was entranced! It was similar to the Zombie Burlesque I saw in Vegas: sexy, retro, and FUNNY. Yeah, I know, how can something be sexy and funny? Somehow it works, and I need more burlesque in my life! Neil doesn't seem to understand how burlesque is different than stripping, but IT IS and I would love to go to more shows, and with Neil! But he seemed to barely tolerate the Vegas one so I don't know about that.

We had told the Hot Mess Girls that we would meet them at intermission, but they had disappeared and never came back! They were hellza drunk. The slightly less drunk girl was trying to feed the other girl chips during the show and to prop her head up. I would really like to know how their night ended! Katrina said probably in the bathroom throwing up.

During intermission, we decided to get another drink. I got a prosecco, and Katrina got another martini, to get another free pin ;) As the bartender was pouring my drink, she said the bottle just had a little bit left so to take a big sip and she would pour the rest. So I ended up with a drink and a half because it was more than just a little bit, ha. She also gave me another pin! 

We find a place to sit, which was next to another lady who happened to be at the show alone. She traveled from SoCal and was going to leave the next day. (I think a few people traveled for this show, I heard Japanese, French, and Russian from various people). She had several drinks on her as well, one of which was a cup with a lid that Katrina asked about. Apparently, she bought it at the bar so you can take your drink in with you to the show! Goddamnit, why didn't I know about that!!!! She wasn't too keen on her martini so she asked us to share it, so we did, plus sipped her concoction of chardonnay, champagne, and ice. It was really good! She then went to the bar and got another drink, which I think we shared as well. Memory is definitely getting fuzzy at this point. We take a selfie, I add her on Instagram.

We missed one of Dita's act since we were in the lobby for awhile, sad face. Katrina was bummed about it and I am sorry about that. Hopefully, Dita will go on tour again near here, I will definitely go again! The rest of the show I had to watch with one eye closed because I was seeing double. The uber back I had to focus on not getting dizzy, but luckily by the time we got to the station and was walking around I was feeling less dizzy and no more double vision.

I made sure to text Neil most of my timeline at the beginning of my trip so he wouldn't worry (something we both normally do when we are travelling without each other), but I forgot to let him know about the late start of the show so he had texted me like, hello, are you on the train??? I did not see this text until I was outside ordering a Lyft at almost 11. Whoops.

11:43pm: At the train station
11:51pm: On the train
1:40am: At the train station in San Jose
2:00am: (ish) At home

So I started sending him updates of my whereabouts at this point. Though the last photo was supposed to be a PHOTO of me on the train, instead I accidentally sent him this video which totally was not meant for him because I am so so drunk and I knew he would not be in the mood for our shenanigans:

In case you can't understand what she is saying: "Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some pussy in it. Pussy shooowerr. Girrrl, you know it. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Ok girl, look at your face! Look at that! Look at me!"

So I get home about 2ish, sit in the driveway talking a bit, get inside, get ready for bed and crash on the couch, this is near 3. Get up at a little past 6 for work. And I was still a bit woozy guys. God. I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS. I was pretty useless at work and wasn't sure if I was going to make it the whole day. I did, and went to bed at 8, though my body was trying to make me go to bed earlier. Friday I felt better, but I knew I was going to need the whole weekend to catch up on my sleep. Neil took Friday off to recoup from the stress of my adventure, lols.

BEST TIME EVER THOUGH GUYS SO TOTALLY WORTH IT.

(and in case you were wondering why I was talking all these selfies with strangers, I made up y mind last time I went out that I was going to do this because I always end up making some fast friends (or "single serving" friends a la Fight Club) at concerts and shows whenever Neil isn't around, ha. Like the Korn/Rob Zombie concert, he left me on a bench to use the bathroom and came back to me talking with a couple. He was like, I was gone for less than 10 minutes!).

Also, all the photos and video of the show are courtesy of Katrina!