I CONFESS
Can I keep complaining about the heat and the smoke? Because I'm going to keep complaining about the heat and the smoke.
I CONFESS
My phone keeps reminding me of photos from 1,2,3,4 and five years ago (is that when I got this phone? Five years ago?) and it's kinda a sweet/bummer thing because I see all the fun things I was doing in past summers. There's been nothing to really look forward to, no planning, no anticipation. But I get to see my not-so-little ones as little kittens from 2 years ago so there's that.
Next summer will be like, remember when you made this lemonade? And this one? And this one? And sat in bed cuddling MiSu when you were wearing this tank top? Then this other tank top? Then the same tank top because you couldn't be bothered changing for bed? Oh, memories.
I CONFESS
One of my best friends from high-school reconnected with me again, Kim. She is always going off the map here and there, but I'm always happy when she shows back up. As per usual, we were reminiscing about high school, and the one and only time we met up after high school which was about 2002? I haven't seen her for a very long time. I was with this guy from high school still, and he (and his best friend) had a huge crush on her which was not hidden from me and made me NOT want to have this girl around (you know, instead of just throwing the bf away). She has spent the night at our place and he faked cried in the hallway all night since I told him he couldn't sleep in the bed with us, which I felt was ridiculous to even have to say.
2004 he leaves me in December a week before Christmas, I'm not going to get into the details of the relationship but it was terrible and toxic and violent. So it was a blessing that HE left because my dumbass sure as shit wasn't. But it wasn't like a clear/clean break, he wanted me to work on myself and the relationship to prove that I was invested. I was to do this for A YEAR, then he would decide if I had grown/matured enough for us to continue the relationship. He was a very manipulative person and just wanted me to hang around in case all his options ran dry (this is hindsight talking).
So I puppy-dogged after him for a few months until I had an epiphany of sorts, that I was so over this. This guy had moved out of the area in the spring of 2005 with his grandparents when they retired. He then showed back up in late spring/early summer 2005 at my work not knowing that I had a mind shift about him. I still don't know how he knew I was working that day. Maybe he called my parents? I saw him through the huge storefront windows walking over with this smug look and swagger. I was so annoyed about seeing that. I think he thought I was going to fawn all over him? I didn't. I ignored him and just continued putting security tags on the bras. He left after what seemed like an eternity.
Then a few months later, he calls me at my parent's house and wants to see me. I had just started dating and was seeing this other guy that also sucked, but I didn't know yet, ha. But I agreed to meet up with this ex. Why I don't know, I was thinking maybe we could be friends? We go see a movie and he spends the whole time looking at me instead of the movie with this "I'm so in love with you" face, and then we get ice cream. Again, just looking at me, he didn't order any icecream. Then he reached over the table and tried to touch my face and I jerked back. He then was like "oh, are you spoken for?" Who the f talks like that? I would have jerked back even if I wasn't dating someone, this wasn't a DATE, don't touch me!
STILL, dumbass Heather was still not having a terrible time so we take the bus downtown and hang out a park for a little while. Until he takes a knife out of his backpack and starts playing with it... I'm like oh hell no. So we go to leave, his bus comes first and he tries to get a hug and I pull back and say you are going to miss your bus. This was the last time I ever saw him in person.
After that, he tries to be friends with me on MySpace (remember that?) and starts being really annoying and showing faux concern about me partying too much and drinking too much (I totally wasn't). Which is a laugh coming from a legit meth addict (to be clear, I was NOT one). By December of 2005 I was having enough of his condescending, manipulating crap and sent him a final message that I didn't want him in my life anymore. He messaged me again a little over a year later after I had moved in with Neil, which I just deleted and didn't respond to, and I think I just finally de-activated my MySpace account just to be rid of him.
So, why mention all that? WELL. My friend, Kim, my best friend from high school, let me know that sometime in 2004/2005 he showed up at her mom's house and was a wreck and got drunk confessing his love for Kim and how much he needed her in his life. She cleaned up his vomit with his own shirt, and then went no contact with him after that.
So, either he did that in 2004 before he left me, or he did that in 2005 in between trying to get me back. Both of which are just awful. Like I knew he was a terrible, manipulating guy, but I still thought some of it was genuine. And now I know that it wasn't. It was all hot garbage. Worst seven years of my life.
And it isn't that I miss this guy or the relationship! God no. It's just now having to shift all my memories and understanding of those memories once again with this new information. Plus accepting that I was so, SO dumb for so long.
