I CONFESS
We've had our THIRD ant attack this past month :/ This time UPSTAIRS. They were coming out from the top of the wall into the bathroom sink, again I guess looking for water. My husband quickly put out a poison trap for them and we checked in a few hours and they had increased their activity and were excitedly all over it.
Tell me why that made me so emotional??? Like these poor little ants, so excited that they finally found a fantastic food source to bring back to their family, but it's literal poison and they are actively killing their fellow ants. Just typing this out makes me feel so silly, but also really sad still 😠I did not tell my husband, he would be like, omg, now we can't kill THE ANTS EITHER?!?
I CONFESS
My younger sister is still mad at me from our text argument regarding her long-distance relationship and how that is such a poor life choice. I guess once again I will have to be the person that makes amends 🙄 Which is so annoying because she will be rude af to me on the daily (those shoes make your feet look giant, your face looks crooked, what's going on with your hair, etc) but I just let her make those comments (even though they annoy me so much!!!) and she never apologizes for them or even thinks she is being rude. I "let" her make them because I know she is a really insecure person, so if criticizing me makes her feel better, whatever. I would never make a negative comment to her about how she looks. But I will make a negative comment about her ACTIONS, which I did about the LDR. And man is she so pissed, ha. So I will need to apologize for making her upset, but not apologize for my feelings, which I still stand by.
The last time she got mad at me she didn't talk to me for two years. And that time I didn't even know I did anything wrong! I was at her apartment hanging out (before it was a trash heap!) and I had one of my friends pick me up across the street because he lived nearby and was heading to my house already so why not carpool?
She got upset because this friend is also a friend of my younger brother, who she hates, and she was freaking out that now my brother knew her address and was going to stalk her and tell the rest of the family she was estranged from and she was going to come home to them in her living room to harass her.
All crazy talk because of all the things that would never happen this would happen the LEAST.
I can't fully explain the dynamics at play here, but my family doesn't give a shit about her. At all. This was one hundred percent a psychotic fantasy that she decided was a very real possibility based on... I have no idea (well, I have an idea and it's because of our oldest sister who is also bat shit, but it still has NOTHING to do with Michelle!!!!). I was incredulous and let her not talk to me for that long because, hello, INSANE.
She is also the person that decided to throw out all her utensils save two spoons and two forks as a solution to her argument with her ex-bf about the dishes not getting done in a timely manner.
And I would love for her to stew on this current argument a few more weeks but my husband really wants her to cat-sit for us soon so my timeline is being pushed. Am I being a petty sister, yeah, I am.
I CONFESS
So my older sister is a chameleon. She has her base personality, which is all pink and glitter and being blond (and being a compulsive liar), but she also gets obsessed with other people and feels like if she had their life, she would be happy and everything would be perfect.
Example: When she was first married, both she and her husband at the time shared a personal trainer at the local gym but went to her on different days/times because my sister was a stay-at-home mom and her husband worked. My sister became OBSESSED with this lady and talked about her all of the time, but mostly in an envious way, and wanted everything this personal trainer had. I don't remember her name, but let's call her Jane for simplicity's sake.
--my sister wanted the exact necklace that Jane had. My sister found it in an ad or magazine, or online, but had a printed image, circled it, and gave it to her husband to purchase for her. I don't know if it was for Christmas or Valentine's, but my sister's husband ended up buying her a different necklace, but the same brand, and my sister was SO PISSED. She was like, I gave him the exact photo of what I wanted! How did he mess this up! And I'm pretty sure that the husband probably ran this gift idea by the personal trainer and by this time I'm sure the trainer was getting creeped out and convinced him to buy something else.
--it was Christmas time and the Jane and my sister were talking about what they got, and the trainer mentioned how she had gone through Victoria's Secret's catalog and circled a bunch of things and her bf ended up buying everything she circled which wasn't her intent and isn't that so sweet but over the top? My sister was so envious of this and was very grumpy and said that she wished her husband did that... which my face was like da fuq are you on. He bought you a whole ass house in Santa Cruz because that is where you wanted to live, fills up your bank account every month with spending money (thousands), buys you a new car paid in full for your birthday... if you told him to buy you a bunch of shit from Victoria's Secret, he fucking would!!!!
--Jane mentioned to my sister that she needed to stop trading services with her friends because she needed to focus on making money to pay rent. She had a circle of friends that would trade hair cuts, massages, etc and my sister wished she had services to trade to be in this "inner circle" and thought this was so cool and kind of resented Jane for not being appreciative enough of having this social circle.
--The cherry on top: Jane had her boobs done because as a trainer, they disappeared. Guess what my sister did? Found out her exact doctor, got her boobs done by this same exact doctor from San Diego, it couldn't be anyone else!!! Even though there are tons of them that do them here in the Bay Area. I'm a big believer that you should do with your body as you please, but neither her husband, the husband's best friend that she was cheating on him with or anyone else that she was sleeping with wanted her to get her boobs done, they liked how she looked. But she wanted to look like Jane.
There were more but it's been over twenty years and I can't remember all of the details. And this was just one person that my crazy older sister obsessed with, there were more (me included!!!). So when she becomes obsessed with your life, it's 100% not personal, it's about what she thinks your life represents and how she would live that life if she could wear you as a skin suit.
OK: So how does this link to my younger sister?
My youngest Michelle went to Job Corp which is kinda like a college campus with dorms and classes and stuff for delinquents and poor kids. It's a closed campus though. Michelle was going no contact with my family, including crazy older sister, and didn't want anything to do with them. Crazy older sister found out where she was (this was not a hard find, I had to go to my mom's house to get my mom to sign a bunch of paperwork for Michelle to get into Job Corp, and there is only one campus in our city, but I'm also pretty sure the paperwork had the exact address of the campus Michelle was applying to. So NOT a huge spy network, or detective work done at all), and showed up one day with a box of stuff for Michelle, wanting to come on campus.
This freaked out Michelle, and she twisted this into our crazy older sister stalking her and being obsessed with her. But hear me out. I know my older sister. This had really very little to do with Michelle and more of what crazy older sister was obsessed with: her youth and missing out on all the youth things because she married young or whatever. She would constantly tell me that age 17 was her best year in life.
I feel without a doubt that crazy older sister wanted to get into that dorm life and live out her fantasy of going to college and having that college social life, you know, without the fussy college classes part. And if Michelle was her in for that, then that was what she was going to use.
And guess what? After she was turned away, because it's a closed campus and she wasn't on any approved visitor list... that was it. My family is if anything lazy as fuck. And also? No one else cared. At all. Not even a little bit. About where Michelle was I mean. Michelle has intense Main Character Syndrome and decided to twist this one moment from crazy older sister into this weird conspiracy plot that makes absolutely no sense.
So yeah, when my friend picked me up ACROSS THE STREET and didn't even have her apartment number, and there is a gate with a code to get through anyway... Michelle flipped her shit and went no contact with me because now everyone knew where she was and was out to get her. This friend that picked me up? In no world would him picking me up from my sister's apartment would even be news to gossip to anyone. It was just a stop on his way to my house. That's it. Because guess what. Michelle, contrary to her belief, is not the main character of everyone's story. She isn't even a side quest.
After Michelle's tantrum, I never ever went to hang out at her apartment again, nor will I ever. Though now after dropping off those groceries, ICK I WOULD NEVER.
My husband and I pay for her phone (and have for YEARS, I think it has been 10 so far), I have paid for groceries multiple times, sent her money, and paid for all her share of any vacations she has gone with me, planned every birthday to make it special, etc etc... So I feel like for her to just go no contact with me, no matter how upset she is, is so fucking selfish and at the end of the day, she doesn't really appreciate all the effort and care that my husband and I put towards her at all. She also wouldn't have gotten into the Job Corp program without my husband who did all the phone calls, paperwork wrangling, and faxing to get her approved. I'm not looking for accolades here, you can get upset with me (I can be annoying as fuck sometimes too), but going no contact at a drop of a hat?? Based on a psychotic fantasy?? Bruh.
Oh, one more story to try to illustrate how my older sister creates insane fantasies:
When my crazy older sister was viewing the house before she purchased it, it was being rented out to a bunch of college students. My sister is an absolute SLOB and after she bought the house and it went to shit, she blamed guess what? The college students that lived in the house before her. How? Why? Well, don't you know that college students are notoriously messy, and even though the house was neat as a pin for viewing, you just KNOW that they only had it like that for prospective buyers and the natural state of the house must have been a mess, and now that is the house's aura. So you see, it's not her fault the place is a mess. This is just the normal bat shit stuff my older sister would tell me with no sense of joking whatsoever.
Yes, my sisters are crazy. I'm not saying I'm perfectly sane, but compared to these two, sheesh.
So yeah, I really don't want to apologize. AGAIN. I was the one that ended the two-year silence last time by the way. So if I am able to mend this relationship again, I'm taking a huge step back, and I'm not paying for any more trips and vacations, she will get a gift sent to her for birthdays and Christmas, and I will not plan anything special. I'm just getting really tired of her shitty attitude and unhealthy response to being upset with me. I put so much thought and care into making sure she knows she has my support and care, and she can't even remember when my birthday is.
Sorry for my thoughts being all over the place, as you can tell, I'm still upset too!! But I have been texting her and sending her memes as normal and she just hasn't responded. But I guess one SMALL change for her is that she hasn't blocked me on everything, so progress??? Lols.
