I CONFESS
I try to be very careful mentioning anything about my weight/size, because I know I am very tiny and I know from real life that just me being me makes people uncomfortable about their size (or even food choices!) but I've noticed lately that I have finally outgrown some items in my closet which is a new to me type feel. When I look at the actual size of which items are now tight and uncomfortable, I laugh, because god damn girl, about time. First item: a pair of red shorts size 14. KIDS. Second item: a pair of bootcut jeans, size 00 juniors.At my lowest weight in my early twenties, I was 87 (I know guys, I know), and I've been hovering around 94-97 the past ten years. My dad told me he didn't start gaining weight until his forties, and he told me that the same thing would probably be the same for me, and looks like he is right! I have my dads genes through and through, so his "weight gain" prophecy doesn't scare me because he went from 140ish to 160ish as a FIVE FEET TEN INCH MAN. He graduated high school weighing 120. He was on the wrestling team, so he was always aware of his weight and tried so hard to gain weight and it just didn't happen.
Some photos of my dad from the 1970's, he would have been mid twenties and a bonus one of my dad and mom sitting next to a creepy doll. I stole these off of my sisters Facebook, she scans the most random photos:
Things I've actively been trying to do:
Eat more meals/no skipping: The most obvious thing ever, but is honestly pretty difficult for me. I try to meal prep chia seed puddings topped with fruit to have for breakfast every day at work, instead of my usual nothing or sometimes granola bar (which lets face it, granola bars are just glorified cookies). It's something that I actually like and is super easy to make (and I can make it in advance! Super extra points). My coworkers are always like, wtf are you eating. And one guy calls it my "frog egg breakfast", which, to be honest, does look like that, lolsss.
The no-skipping is a work in progress, I try not to have dinner be my only meal of the day. Neil will ask me on weekend mornings what is the food plan, and our ideas of that vary differently. I've even asked him, like, how many meals do you want to eat today and he'll be like, er, all of them??? (meaning breakfast/lunch/dinner) which honestly feels like ughhhhh. I just spent all morning cleaning and the idea of now having to clean the kitchen three more times! Or if I'm not even cooking, having to decide on THREE DIFFERENT places to eat. It's very rare for me to be in the mood for a specific food, so the choosing feels like a chore. Terrible thought process, I know. If I was left to my own devices, I would have my coffee in the morning at six, and then maybe think about making something later that evening, at six. This past weekend, I actually had a food craving for a breakfast burrito, and Neil jumped on that and Door Dashed us some. SO GOOD. I had an egg, potato, pico, and guac one and Neil got one with chirozo.
Recognizing that coffee is a huge appetite suppressant for me: I really only drink coffee on Saturday and Sunday mornings, but I need realize that this will keep me from wanting to eat for a very long time. So when Neil says he is hungry, I should also get something to eat.
Split my dinner: I sometimes get overwhelmed with restaurant portions, which actually leads me to eating LESS. So I will purposely order something that is easy to split into a dinner today/lunch tomorrow. This also helps with the no skipping lunch. Somehow having less on my plates results in me eating more. It just feels more manageable and less stressful! One of my favorite things to get is from Baja Fresh, the veggie bowl (rice, black beans, pico, onions, bell peppers and then I top with more pico and mango salsa). Great warm or cold, and it's vegetarian (and very possibly vegan).
Don't use sugar as a meal replacement: I love sweet things! No surprise to anyone. Candy gives a great fast boost of energy but is terrible if I'm reaching for that because I haven't eaten anything else. My brother and I have the same issue where sometimes eating just feels like a chore and gets in the way of other things we'd rather be doing (we also have problems recognizing hunger/thirst cues until HOURS past when we should have eaten). Plus it's shelf stable, portable, not messy, and easy to eat while doing other things... super efficient ;) This should be an anti-candy paragraph but instead I'm singing it's praises. Like I said, I love the stuff. So I just try to buy less, which is working! I mean, kind of. Neil loves Oreos and often I will just scrap the insides of the cookies and just eat that because I want something sweet. If I buy the oreo thins, I will eat the whole cookie. The pina colada ones are amazing.
Eat past "full": My "full" is really not that full, just enough to placate my body so I can go do something else. And I know there is a difference because if I'm eating something that I really, really like, I do eat past that point. Very rarely to the food coma that Neil likes to eat himself into, that is such an uncomfortable state! If I make my burrito bowls with real sour cream (my weakness!), that is when I will eat until it hurts because oh my goodness so good. Neil says sour cream is not a food group, but I disagree ;) If you notice, I eat a lot of Cal-Mex food (different than Tex-Mex).
None of this is anything I've been stressing over, or "forcing" myself to do, just trying to be more mindful of my daily choices, and recognize that a large portion of this issue is that I AM A LAZY SHIT (I'd rather have a clean kitchen and be hungry, rather than cook and have to do dishes). So meal prepping and advanced planning is key. The other problem is that I really fucking hate grocery shopping, it gives me anxiety and takes a lot of energy from me. I've tried the online delivery and so far it has sucked donkey balls, so in person it is.
