Seven Carpool Rules According To Me (A Professional Passenger)

So, these are less like rules per se, and more just a rant. And please understand I am saying these in jest... angry, angry jest. Commuting in the Bay Area is a struggle, ya'll.

1.  I'm just going to state the obvious for the first rule: Do not drive in the carpool lane if you are not, in fact, carpooling. I laugh at all of you that get pulled over for this. My only wish is that I witnessed this more often.
2. Close the motherfucking gaps.
3. Uncomfortable merging? Must come to a complete stop to get into the right lane? The carpool lane is not for you: Get. The. Fuck. Out.
4. Don't like driving "fast"? Quotations used because "fast" during commuting hours means about fifty miles per house IF YOU ARE LUCKY. Here is a tip: just because you have more than one person in your car doesn't mean you have to use the carpool lane. It's just a perk, not a law. Here's another tip: GET THE FUCK OUT.
5. Are you driving slower than the lane to the right of you? Is the car in front of you a distant memory? How about you move your ass. If that isn't possible, please just die in a fire.
6. It's bumper to bumper traffic. Oh, but not for you. You generously leave a large gap between you and the car in front of you. Which other cars take advantage of. You let in a car. Then another car. Then a bus. A WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING BUS. Yes, you should let a car in here and there, but five in a row, one of which is A BUS is too much. You are literally worse than Hitler. Like, what is your endgame here? To be the last one in line???
7. Stop hovering near the lane to the right. We are sharing this lane with lane splitting motorcycles, move your ass to the left, dick. PAY ATTENTION. Moving your car after the motorcycle has already passed you doesn't count. And don't be waving back and forth in the lane making it impossible for the bike to pass you. Or decide to change lanes right when the motorcycle is about to pass you. PAY SOME FUCKING ATTENTION TO THE ROAD.